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Byline: Msgr. William J. King

9 min read
Joy

On The Importance of Humor

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Some years ago a noted scientific journal published an article on the geometry of humor. The author pointed out that all humor follows a certain geometric pattern, which was both…

Some years ago a noted scientific journal published an article on the geometry of humor.

The author pointed out that all humor follows a certain geometric pattern, which was both described in a mathematical formula and illustrated as a triangle. A joke, a riddle, a pun all conceptually lead a person up an incline and give the impression that the incline will continue, but with the punch line the path drops off like a cliff. In listening to or reading a joke, or in contemplating a riddle, a person’s mind begins to project where the story line is headed, but the surprise trajectory — an unexpected and rather sudden change in direction — is what causes the reaction: laughter.

Parables

There’s something sterile about describing humor in a mathematical formula, even if one might find the effort humorous in itself. Even so, it seems that the parables of Jesus follow the same geometry: presenting a scenario, leading the listener to project an ending, then suddenly delivering a punch line that surprises or shocks. Several authors have suggested that those who first heard Jesus’ parables in first-century Palestine might actually have found them humorous, in part because of the surprise endings, but mostly because of the fanciful or unusual situations Jesus depicted. The master parable teller painted a story with familiar details that may have led the hearers to look forward to a predictable ending, only to see the story’s trajectory changed to an unforeseeable conclusion.

As soon as you recognize that a joke is in the works, you know you’re no longer on safe ground. The punch line could come at any moment: a twist, a surprise, a play on words. In the telling of a joke, everything changes for a moment. Assumptions aren’t safe. The familiar becomes unfamiliar. The listeners are anxiously expecting the surprise at the end.

It’s difficult to imagine anything that comes closer to an encounter with the Jesus of the Gospel.

Humor, however, has not always been a laughing matter in the history of the Church.

Although Ecclesiastes 3:4 tells us that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh,” and although Sarah famously laughed when angelic visitors told her husband Abraham that she would bear a son within the year, most biblical references to laughter do not bring a smile to the face. When the Bible refers to laughter it is often the scornful laughter of a sinner reviling God, or — since God gets the last laugh — the response of God to such scorn.

Similarly, the Church Fathers give short shrift to laughter, seeing an incongruity between the awareness of one’s sins and the willingness to laugh. St. John Chrysostom, one of the dour Fathers, suggests that weeping is preferable to laughing in this vale of tears.

Yet the shared experience of every human is one of both weeping and laughing, of mourning and of dancing. The author of Proverbs reminds us that laughter and sadness abide together, one never far from the other. Together with the pain of separation from God, humanity’s experience of God is replete with joy: the delight of Adam discovering Eve; the unbounded glee of King David dancing before the Ark of the Covenant; the happy leap of John the Baptist in the womb; heaven’s elation at one repentant sinner; and, ultimately, the words we all long to hear, “Come, share your master’s joy” in heaven, where “there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain” (Rv 21:4). A walk through the Bible shows that references to joy far outweigh the mention of sadness.

Part of God’s Love

Without disagreeing that our sins are cause for sadness and repentance, serious Christian thinkers such as Søren Kierkegaard and Reinhold Neibuhr suggested that the ability to laugh at ourselves and at the foibles of the world is both a prelude and a result of true contrition for our sins. The influential 20th-century theologian Father Karl Rahner saw laughter as a gift from God, a tutor to help us understand God’s love for us. Humor helps to keep us humble, recognizing and admitting our imperfections before God.

G.K. Chesterton, a prolific essayist and author of fiction, biography, poetry and plays, finally converted to Catholicism in 1922 after his faith grew in a lengthy germination. He valued humor as a sign of wonder, and wonder as a doorway of spirituality. No reader of Chesterton’s essays can come away without a smile and perhaps a hearty laugh. And no one can doubt his faith in God’s goodness. Another convert to Catholicism late in life, Malcolm Muggeridge, saw humor as God’s therapy and looked forward to hearing “the unmistakable sound of celestial laughter” in heaven.

Joy and laughter are part of our heritage as children of God, just as they are part of our experience as human beings. Together with weeping and sadness they frame our experience of life.

Though the Gospel writers note the tears of Jesus as He wept over Jerusalem, at the tomb of His friend Lazarus and certainly in Gethsemane’s garden, no one can doubt the joy which permeated Jesus’ public ministry. It’s impossible not to picture Jesus and His apostles as joyful at the wedding feast in Cana. Joyful feasting was a common image of the Lord in His parables.

Indeed, in His priestly prayer in John’s Gospel, the Lord is clear about His mission: “That my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete” (Jn 15:11).

Joy Is First

St. Paul reminds the Galatians that joy is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, a sign and symptom of a life lived in the Spirit of God. He also gives us an instruction toward the end of his First Letter to the Thessalonians, a practical lesson for how to live in a world that is passing away. After urging the Christians in Thessalonica to “cheer the fainthearted” who worry unduly about the final judgment, he gives a three-part instruction for life: “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks” (5:16-18).

Notice, joy is first.

The ability to find joy in all circumstances — to laugh at the vicissitudes of life knowing that God has conquered all in Christ Jesus — is indeed a sign and symptom of sanctity. The saints show us this.

St. Lawrence, deacon of the church of Rome, was arrested three days after the seizure and martyrdom of his bishop, Pope St. Sixtus. When the pagan prefect of Rome demanded that Lawrence, who as a deacon was responsible for providing aid to the poor and needy, produce the hidden wealth of the Church, Lawrence asked for three days to assemble it. At the appointed hour he gathered the poorest and neediest persons from around the city and told the prefect, “This is the Church’s treasure.” The prefect saw no humor in that and ordered Lawrence be tied to an iron grill and burnt slowly over a fire. God gave Lawrence the gift of humor in the midst of his torture, such that he is said to have joked with his torturers, “Turn me over, I’m done on this side.”

The humor of Teresa of Jesus, the Spanish Carmelite reformer from Ávila, is well known. Among the quotes attributed to her is a smiling retort to God when the saintly nun was thrown off a cart into a mud puddle as she traveled to visit a monastery. Looking up from the muddy road, Teresa said to God, “If this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few!” St. Teresa is also said to have given the following advice to a young novice who admitted falling asleep every day at prayer: “If you go to prayer and find yourself falling asleep, accept it as a gift from God. If, however, you fall asleep at prayer every day, find another time to pray.”

Indeed, it may be the deep holiness of St. Teresa that allowed her to maintain a sense of humor even in the midst of turmoil. Only one with a deep and passionate trust in God’s goodness could seek and treasure humor in the midst of travails and disappointments such as Teresa experienced. She wrote: “Let nothing trouble you, let nothing frighten you. All things are passing; God never changes. Patience obtains all things. He who possesses God lacks nothing: God alone suffices.” Such confidence buoys the soul and produces a light heart. It is the truest font of joy and humor for the believer.

Why is humor important? Principally because it keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. If we recognize that here on earth we have not a lasting city, it’s perhaps best to laugh at the incongruities while joyfully accepting God’s grace to act as agents of His redemption. In other words, perhaps a believer’s best attitude in life is to change what we can change and laugh at what we cannot, completely confident that God has already bested whatever tries to keep us from joy.

Msgr. William King is a priest for the Diocese of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Pope Francis on Joy

“Instead of imposing new obligations, [Christians] should appear as people who wish to share their joy, who point to a horizon of beauty and who invite others to a delicious banquet.”

“Be courageous in suffering and remember that after the Lord will come; after, joy will come, after the dark comes the sun. May the Lord give us all this joy in hope.”

“Christianity spreads through the joy of disciples who know that they are loved and saved.”

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Stewardship

What Is Collection Money Used For?

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There is a serious obligation for a pastor to report each year on how the offerings or tithings of parishioners and other donors have been used. The Code of Canon…

There is a serious obligation for a pastor to report each year on how the offerings or tithings of parishioners and other donors have been used. The Code of Canon Law urges pastors and other administrators of the Church’s goods to be “good householders,” and lists some resulting obligations (see Canon 1284). Among these is the responsibility to “draw up a report of the administration at the end of each year.” Transparency in financial administration and accountability to donors are important values in the administration of Church goods.

Canon 1287 requires that this annual report be given to the “local ordinary” (in most dioceses, the diocesan bishop) and also to the parishioners. This canon could not be more explicit about this: “Administrators are to render an account to the faithful concerning the goods offered by the faithful to the Church.”

Expenses can vary according to the size of a parish, its ministries — whether it has a parish school, for instance — and location.

That having been said, in almost every parish, as in most not-for-profit organizations, the largest single set of expenses is staff: wages and benefits for parish employees. Typically, the second largest set of expenses is funding for Catholic education: support for schools and programs of religious education for children and adults.

In many dioceses, a percentage of parish income is taxed by the diocese as a means of providing operating funds for the central offices and ministries of the bishop. Let’s not forget that it also costs money to turn on the lights; to operate heating and air conditioning; to keep water flowing; to maintain the buildings, grounds, and parking lots; to insure the parish property, pay any state or local taxes that are assessed; and even to provide hosts and wine for Mass.

Many parishes also use a portion of the weekly tithing or offering for charitable assistance outside of the parish. This is sometimes called “tithing the tithe” and takes the form of direct assistance to a mission project, or to another parish in need, or to a Catholic social service agency, whether nearby or far away.

It is also good stewardship for a parish to maintain savings in case of unplanned events — a leaky roof or equipment failure, for instance. Many parishes, if possible, try to put a bit of money away each year in savings for this purpose.

Rev. Msgr. William J. King is a priest of the Diocese of Harrisburg.

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8 min read
Sacraments

A Look At The Eucharistic Prayers

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The path from the Upper Room through the grove of olive trees to Golgotha may not be more than a few hundred yards, but it was neither a quick nor…

The path from the Upper Room through the grove of olive trees to Golgotha may not be more than a few hundred yards, but it was neither a quick nor an easy walk.

Similarly, the road to Emmaus was short on steps but long on meaning as eyes were opened to sacred Scripture and hearts were set ablaze in the breaking of the bread.

Each time the Church gathers at Mass we retrace the path of Jesus from Holy Thursday through Easter Sunday. The path is not quickly trod. The Mass concentrates the path of three days into about an hour of intense meaning. The meaning is most significant when we become active participants, bringing our own fears, worries, joys, hopes, dreams and pains along with Jesus to the cross.

The center and core of the Mass, the Eucharistic prayer, transports us mystically to the hours from the lifting up of Jesus’ own heart to the Father to the moment of His death and resurrection. These many hours are condensed to a few paragraphs.

The apostolic Church called this part of the Mass the anaphora, from the Greek verb meaning “to carry back,” since each celebration of the Eucharistic prayer carries us back to the Upper Room with Jesus, to live anew the precious sacrifice of His own flesh and blood.

We lift our hearts to God most high; we accompany Jesus through the Last Supper and to the Cross; we plead for His mercies upon us; we acknowledge the glory that is God’s. These are the living memories of the Eucharistic prayer.

A Living Remembrance

When a family gathers for an important event — a baptism, first holy Communion, a graduation, a wedding, an ordination, a reunion, or a funeral — there is a shared experience: stories are told about family members and memories of the past, and after a hearty time of recollection there is a meal.

“Remember when …” so many of those stories begin. Stories are recalled about grandfathers, aunts, sisters, siblings. These are memories that forge a family’s identity and make them unique. In the past, fingers pointed to pages in a photo album, and today a smartphone screen is passed around. “Remember when …”

The Mass is a family gathering for an important event, where stories are told about our family’s past (the Liturgy of the Word) and then we share a meal (the Liturgy of the Eucharist), which in truth is so much more than a simple meal — it is the sacrifice that brings us salvation. At the heart of this family event is the Eucharistic prayer, the anaphora, or the canon of the Mass. These are the family memories of the last words and actions of Jesus, brought to life.

For the first millennium of the Church, the Eucharistic prayer was usually chanted so that all in the church could hear it clearly. In recent centuries the emphasis was placed on the notion of mystery, and so the priest prayed most of the texts quietly. The Second Vatican Council restored the more ancient practice so that in the ordinary form of the Mass the priest prays or chants the texts aloud.

At the beginning of the Eucharistic prayer, the priest, who stands in the person of Christ, invites the people to join with him in lifting our hearts to God. We begin the Eucharistic prayer by acknowledging together that it is right and just to give thanks to the Lord our God. We end it with a sweeping affirmation that all glory and honor belong to God in the Divine Trinity. What happens in between is nothing less than the miraculous act of our eternal salvation: the sacrifice in which Jesus is priest, victim and altar — the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

So vivid is this memory to Christians that in the early Church the pagan Romans accused Christians of true sacrifice and of cannibalism.

We are asked to remain silent during most of this prayer as an act of profound reverence and contemplation. In truth, we should fall into stunned silence in awe of what is happening before us at the altar: God made flesh, offering himself as an atoning sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins, truly present in our midst! Much more than a passive experience of listening while the priest prays, the Eucharistic prayer invites us to open our hearts and our lives to the power of Christ’s suffering, death and resurrection. In the Eucharistic prayer, we lift up our needs and our petitions, and together with the priest we thank God, praise God, seek blessings from God, present our deepest selves to God for redemption and healing on the altar.

This is why the priest invites us at the outset to “pray, brethren, that my sacrifice and yours may be acceptable to God, our almighty Father.”

A Memory Shared

The Roman Missal prescribes the liturgical rites of the Latin-rite Church, which is only one of more than 20 distinct churches within the communion of the Catholic Church. Each of these churches has its own form of celebrating the Mass. Though the outward form varies, there is only one reality of the Mass, only one Calvary, only one sacrifice. The various forms evolved from the cultural and linguistic uniqueness of various parts of the Christian world. Great centers of Christian history, such as Antioch, Chalcedon, Alexandria, Constantinople and Rome developed a particular ritual and unique language for the celebration of the Mass.

Even today these historical and cultural differences impress their character on each of the churches that make up the worldwide communion of Catholic churches. The Mass of the Latin-rite Church — whether in the official Latin or translated into English, Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, or any language — is markedly different in its externals from the Divine Liturgy of the Ukrainian Catholic Church, or the Mass of the Coptic Church, or of the Armenian Church.

Still, no matter the historical origin of the rites, every Mass celebrates the same reality: a living memory of the saving sacrifice of Christ in His flesh and blood.

The anaphora (Eucharistic prayer) of the Latin-rite Church is first recorded in a work entitled “The Apostolic Tradition,” attributed to Hippolytus of Rome, and which scholars traditionally accept as having been composed around the year A.D. 215.

It was written in Greek, which replaced the Aramaic-language prayers within a century after the ascension of Jesus. Greek remained the language of the Church, including the celebration of the Mass, until it was replaced by Latin in the Western Church — a slow transition that occurred from the mid-third century through the fifth century.

Today there are several Eucharistic prayers listed in the Roman Missal, but four are most commonly used. The others are for special purposes — Masses for reconciliation and for various needs. The second of the four principal Eucharistic prayers in today’s Roman Missal is nearly identical with the anaphora of Hippolytus. It represents the most ancient prayer of the Mass, predating what is traditionally called the “Roman Canon” by almost four centuries.

The other three Eucharistic prayers in the Roman Missal are of later origin, and they reflect the historical evolution of the anaphora, or canon, of the Mass in various parts of the Roman Empire.

Diverse forms of the Eucharistic prayer existed in common usage for centuries in different parts of the Christian world. The differences were not great, but there were variations in the words used and the order in which the parts of the canon were prayed. Historical names for rites such as the Mozarabic, Gallican and Ambrosian rites, or the Gelasian Sacramentary, may be familiar to some readers.

The so-called Roman Canon, which is listed first among the Eucharistic prayers in the Roman Missal, was compiled under the direction of Pope St. Gregory the Great (pope from 590 to 604). He wished to make uniform the texts of the Eucharistic prayer throughout the Latin-rite Church.

Since then, minor changes have been made to the words several times, but it remains substantially the same.

The third and fourth Eucharistic prayers were composed following the Second Vatican Council.

The third Eucharistic prayer is greatly influenced by the Gallican and Mozarabic rites of centuries past, and the fourth draws its substance from Eastern sources, especially the fourth century anaphora of St. Basil.

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Sacraments

How Soon Should Your Child Be Baptized?

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As infant mortality has become less of a concern with modern health care in many parts of the world, the rush to baptize infants in the first weeks of life…

As infant mortality has become less of a concern with modern health care in many parts of the world, the rush to baptize infants in the first weeks of life has also lessened. Alongside the physical health of the child is the spiritual health, however, and in speaking of the timing of the baptism of an infant, the Introduction to the Rite of Baptism for Children states that “the first consideration is the welfare of the child, that it not be deprived of the benefit of the sacrament” (No. 8).

The document goes on to note three factors to be considered: first, the spiritual welfare of the child; second, the health of the mother, so that she is able to participate in the baptism; and last, pastoral considerations, which would include allowing for the participation of family members.

There is, nonetheless, an obligation on parents not to delay the baptism of a newborn unduly. In the same section mentioned above, the document notes clearly, “An infant should be baptized within the first weeks after birth” (No. 8.3). This teaching is also captured in canon law: “Parents are obliged to take care that infants are baptized in the first few weeks” (Canon 867). The Catechism of the Catholic Church provides the theological rationale for this obligation: “The Church and the parents would deny a child the priceless grace of becoming a child of God were they not to confer Baptism shortly after birth” (No. 1250).

These texts, and the constant practice of the Church, make the expectation clear that parents should employ the same zeal with which they care for the physical health of their newborn child in caring for the spiritual health of the baby. The celebration of baptism is principally about washing away original sin and allowing the inrush of God’s grace upon the soul of an infant, which are treasured gifts to be offered a child as soon as possible after birth. The social nature of a family gathering to celebrate this is important, as it demonstrates unity in faith and family support, but that is not the most important consideration.

For some families the delay could be because of a desire for family to attend. Given the clarity of the Church’s guidance on this point it might be best to celebrate the baptism of the baby as soon as possible, and later, if family is unable to attend, have a party to celebrate the child’s rebirth in Christ, sharing photos and videos of the event.

Rev. Msgr. William J. King is a priest of the Diocese of Harrisburg.

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Sacraments

Making A Good Confession

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A father watched his young son at work in the garden. Instructed to remove the weeds, the son eagerly took up the challenge, taking garden clippers and lopping off the…

A father watched his young son at work in the garden.

Instructed to remove the weeds, the son eagerly took up the challenge, taking garden clippers and lopping off the stems as close to ground level as he could maneuver. He assured his father that the weeds were gone, never to return, but the father knew better: without removing their roots the weeds would grow back.

Making a good confession of our sins is like weeding the garden of the soul. Most of us have the experience of assuring our heavenly Father that we have removed all the weeds, but unless we attack them at their roots, we’ll confess the same sins again and again.

It takes work to make a good confession. Focusing on behaviors and actions alone is like taking garden clippers to weeds: we may for a time cut off the parts we can see, but hidden within the soil of our behaviors the roots of sin are still growing. The real power of the Sacrament of Penance is unleashed when we expose the roots to God’s grace.

The Desire to Change

Making a good confession starts long before stepping inside the confessional. Even before making an examination of conscience we should examine our motivation. Do we really want to change? St. Augustine describes his tepid approach to change in the midst of his conversion. Realizing the excesses of his lifestyle, he prayed, “Lord, give me chastity,” and quickly aded, “but not yet!”

A good confession arises from a heart that wants to change. This is the very core of a good confession — firm purpose of amendment. A humorous spin on the Act of Contrition comes from a child who hasn’t quite memorized the words correctly: “Oh my God, I am partially sorry for having offended you…” If we’re rigorously honest, however, we might admit that the child is speaking the truth. St. Augustine recalled that as he determined to leave certain sins behind he could hear those sins calling out to him as if old friends were inviting him to spend some time together again. A good confession is the fruit of prayer to God, begging the grace to want to change, to want to leave our sins behind, to want to hand our sins to God and never seek to take them back.

How should you make a good confession? Start by spending some time in prayer, preferably before the Blessed Sacrament so as to be better protected against the snares and wiles of the enemy, the deceiver. In prayer, ask God to show you the roots of your sins, not just the external sinful behaviors. Ask God to shed light upon your motivations, the desire to sin, the reasons you make the choices that lead up to sin. It is one thing to ask God to show you your sins, but quite another to reach into the roots of your sins and eradicate the roots instead of the weeds.

Examination of Conscience

Next, make a good examination of conscience. That starts with an act of praise and confidence in God’s grace. Acknowledging that you are in the strong and loving arms of God, trusting that God will care for you and provide for you, thanking God for the blessings of His grace — all of this is a fitting start to prepare for a good confession. With confident trust and abandonment to God’s loving will it is easier to open your soul to God in the Sacrament of Penance; it is easier to want to change by first recognizing the good things that are part of total abandonment to God’s mercy and grace. In the hands of God who created the soil and planted the Garden of Eden, why would you do less than trust Him completely with the garden of your soul?

Having placed yourself in the arms of God, the next step is to ask God to lead you through a thorough examination of conscience. There are many formulas for an examination of conscience. Some are based on the Ten Commandments, and others on the beatitudes. Still others focus on the Precepts of the Church or the teachings of saints. They are found in missals and prayerbooks, websites and mobile apps. Any of these can be a tool by which God can shed light on sin and the motivations for sin. It can be confusing and distracting to switch among several forms for an examination of conscience when preparing for a good confession, so it’s best to pick one form and invite God to help you through it by the light of His grace.

Always approach the examination of conscience in prayer, and allow sufficient time for God to walk you through your sins, shedding His light on the roots of your sinful behaviors. Don’t rush. Many saints advise a daily examination of conscience in order to recognize patterns in behaviors and in the tendency to sin. A daily examination of conscience shows what circumstances, encounters, people, times of day, places and activities present the greatest temptations or vulnerabilities. Only by tracing patterns of emotion and behavior can we best recognize the roots of our sins as well as how to avoid sin in the future.

The best way to avoid sin is to avoid temptation. It is helpful as part of an examination of conscience to ask God to show you the steps that lead to sinful acts. Every sinful act starts with a temptation — ask God to show you where temptation lives in your daily life, and to show you the choices you made that led from temptation to sin. Again, pray for the grace to want to change those behaviors that lead to sin, or the roots will still thrive. Pray for the grace to want to remove temptation, the occasion of sin, from your life.

In the Confessional

Armed with more than a list of sins, but with a confident trust in God’s goodness, an understanding of the motivations and causes of the inclination to sin, and better knowing how the path leads from temptation to sin, you can now enter the confessional with an open heart, soul and mind.

In the confessional, do not allow the enemy, the deceiver, to disquiet you or diminish your resolve to make a good confession. Some of his tactics are to tempt you to worry that the priest will think less of you if you mention all your sins, or to tempt you to think that you cannot change, or to tempt you to think that you are not worthy of God’s mercy. Satan hates when someone resolves to make a good confession, and he will work overtime to lure the sinner away from God’s mercy. Recognize the source of these thoughts and ignore them, resolved to open your soul completely to God. Instead, pay attention to the Holy Spirit, who is prompting you toward the peace and joy and healing of the Sacrament of Penance.

It is astonishing how many people stay away from confession out of fear of forgetting what to say or do inside the confessional. This is also Satan’s deception, to keep sinners away from the wonderful mercy of God. Two things are essential to the fruitful celebration of the Sacrament of Penance: the penitent’s admission of sin that springs from a heart that wants to change (contrition and firm purpose of amendment), and the priest’s absolution. All the rest is secondary, and there isn’t a priest alive who won’t help someone through the celebration of the sacrament once they’ve stepped through the confessional door.

Once inside the confessional, remember that the priest is acting in persona Christi (“in the person of Christ”). Speak to Christ himself, baring your soul without fear of judgment, but instead with a hunger for mercy and grace. The priest is bound by the seal of the sacrament, so that nothing you say can be spoken of outside the confessional. No priest thinks less of a sinner who repents, but rather thinks highly of a person who simply trusts in God’s mercy.

Finally, take to heart the counsel of the priest and accept the penance he offers. He will invite you to express your contrition, the double-edged prayer that gives voice to sorrow for sins and the pledge of changing by God’s grace. The priest will absolve you from your sins in the name of the Church. With a lighter heart, walk out of the confessional with all your sins forgiven, a child of God whose soul is a weedless garden of delight.

Msgr. William King is a priest of the Diocese of Harrisburg.

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Sacraments

Can Catholic Couples Write their Own Wedding Vows?

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A sense of romanticism sometimes prompts couples to think that the celebration of marriage is “their day,” when in truth it is one of the important sacramental celebrations of the…

A sense of romanticism sometimes prompts couples to think that the celebration of marriage is “their day,” when in truth it is one of the important sacramental celebrations of the Church. It is a wonderful thing that the couple feels so close to the celebration, wanting it to reflect their joy and hope and their personal histories. They open their whole selves to God’s grace in accepting the gift of marriage to another. Still, it is the Church’s celebration and not the couple’s own. This is especially true of the content of marriage — what the Church calls the “object of consent.” The Church has received the gift of married life from its author — God himself — and joyfully celebrates that gift with the spouses. The spouses receive the gift; they do not define marriage for themselves. Their openness to receive the gift in its fullness is expressed in their “consent” to the gift, their consent to marry one another as God has defined marriage.

The Code of Canon Law for the Latin-rite Catholic Church contains an essential element of basic contract law: the words and actions of the couple during the wedding celebration are the best indications of their intentions (see Canon 1101). The canon says that the “internal consent of the mind is presumed to be in conformity with the words and actions used” by the couple in the wedding celebration. Hence, the words used by each spouse when he or she consents to marry (the “vows”) are very important.

The Rite of Matrimony offers great freedom to the local conference of bishops to adapt the words and symbols of the wedding liturgy to local culture and customs, but it does not allow the couple the same type of freedom in altering the Church’s liturgy. For a time there was laxity among some clergy in allowing couples to change the words of consent or to compose their own vows. This led to some unusual expressions of the couple’s consent to marry. Hopefully this experimentation has ended, because the couple does not have the freedom to write their own formula for the exchange of consent.

There are other opportunities for the couple to compose and include a prayer or reflection within the Church’s Rite of Matrimony, and even more freedom for the couple to include their own spiritual reflection on marriage within the rehearsal before the rite, or the reception following the rite. However, apart from the several options for standard and approved texts that the couple may choose from within the Rite of Matrimony, the couple is not free to compose their own vows in a Catholic wedding.

Msgr. William J. King is a priest of the Diocese of Harrisburg.

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